2 months-yea!

So Doss is just a bit over two months old.  I cannot believe how far we have come in such a short period of time.  The above photo is us on our way out of the hospital.  He was only 4 days old and didn't even have a name yet (can you believe?)!  Below is the two of us on the Valentine's Day--two months after his birth.  

Boy, I would love to sit here and write that it has been a blissful ride--but I can't. . . not totally.  There is absolutely bliss--when we catch a little grin, or see him content, cooing and gurgling.  That has been so wonderful to see develop over the last couple of weeks leading up to the 2 month mark.  But, it has been a hard road.  Truly, physically and emotionally one of the hardest things I have been through.  There is nothing to prepare you for what your body and mind go through to give birth. . . and to recover physically, while adjusting to meeting the needs of a newborn in the days after coming home can just push you to the edges. . . from bliss, to uncontrollable and unexplainable tears.  

I mentioned in an earlier post that Doss is a bit colicky.  He is just easily pushed to screaming his head off--poor thing--while he is awake. . . I think he is getting better. . . . but he is on the other hand, a great sleeper once we get him to bed at night.  So we feel very lucky on that front.

  So, as glad as I am that we have reached what may be a new plateau in terms of Doss getting used to the world and hopefully feeling less compelled to scream bloody murder while he is awake. . . I am completely freaked out to see him grow out of this stage.  I am freaked out at how fast the longest two months of my life have passed me by.  Have passed him by.  I feel like with Doss' birth, Ben and I have hit a the pace where time will never slow again.  I know that we will wake up and Doss and any potential siblings he may have (or not) will be grown up. . . and that is scary.  

So here I sit, celebrating (while he screams on his play mat) and mourning.  Trying to get through all this, while hanging onto it all at the exact same time.  I think maybe this is me realizing what it means to really feel my adulthood. . . and really grasp the excruciating bliss and pain of giving life; living life.  It is messy and clean at the same time.  Blurry and clear. It is love and hurt.  We are just holding on as hard as we can. . . 

Crying in b&w and color. . . sure makes you think.

So, Doss is colicky.  I think it is official.  The little guy is just not very content for very long even after being fed and changed.  It is just the saddest sight, to see your baby screaming his head off.  Red face. Writhing body.  So sad.  It doesn't even look pretty in black and white. . .although most things do. . . you can see the poor little guy below. .. in b & w and in color.  

Why does a crying baby make you realize all the things in life you have yet to accomplish?  Why does it make you look back on the crazy twists and turns you have already maneuvered?  Doss's colic makes me contemplate the fact that I'm on like double digits in careers; that I have a design business that I always put on the backburner, thus it never quite takes off; that I always seem to be "just about" to do SOMETHING with my business.  With my life.  Although being a mom is truly amazing--even with a crying baby--and I wouldn't change it.  It does not totally define me.  I want something more to show Doss as he grows.  I want him to see me expressing myself in all sorts of ways; hopefully as my way of making a living for him and for me.  We'll see.  It is just so hard.   Right now, I just have to thank my lucky stars I still have a paying job to return to, with insurance and checks.  And I want to suck in all that I can learn while at this job. . . but one of these days. . . 

Hmmm.  Maybe colic isn't such a bad thing.

one punk posy. . . on the way?!?

So, most of you know that I love Etsy. . . I hope to put momoFandango on Etsy someday. . . someday when I have more time.  haha.  Well, the idea of more time continues to evade me. . . and the weeks keep slipping by.  I called Amy and Clay today b/c we looked up and a week had gone by without seeing Lola or Clay and Amy.  Mind you, we literally live 5 minutes from each other!  SO CLOSE--and generally we spend lots of time together, so when a whole week slips by I sort of freak out.  Especially with a birthday just passing by, and our 2nd wedding anniversary coming up tomorrow.  It seems like just yesterday we were rocking out at Perini Ranch for our wedding celebration. What a great party that was!

Anyway, time is slipping by, and these days that is, at once, a good and a scary thing. . . you may have heard on the Hola Lola blog that Ben and I are expecting our first baby!!!!!  December is my due date, and as time slips by, I'm both excited and freaked out.  We still don't know the sex of the baby, and struggle with whether we will find out or not. . . so as of right now I'm searching for items and see the coolest things for boys and girls. . . hence the groovy cards in the pictures above.  Whether we will need the princess or the lamb card remains to be seen, but I sure love everything One Punk Posy (found on Etsy) is doing.  Check out the take on Victorian children coupled with oversized, realistic insects.  How Groove-a-lish! 

So, there you go--who knows if little Miss Lola will have a boy or a girl cousin in December.  No matter the case, our baby is sure lucky to have such a cool chick as a not only and cousin but a neighbor and a friend.  They are going to be such good friends!

Now I would be remiss if I didn't mention that I'm not the only one on the Magill side of the family expecting--Matt and Megan my brother and sister-in-law in NYC are expecting a baby girl in September, and Erin, Ben's first cousin, and Steve Babcock, who also live SO close to us, and who we get to spend lots of great time with, are expecting a little boy in October (who will be big brother to little Callie Ruth, another precious little one that we love and have such a good time with).  So there is lots of fun going on in Big D, and to come for the Magill fam, too, especially with our other nephew, Charlie Magill (Wes and Karen's little boy), who lives in Oklahoma and will be the eldest of the Magill cousins.

We feel so lucky to have all the family we have and to have the precious cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents who will all play a role in raising our child too.  We even think Lola and the baby will hopefully go to the same day care, and potentially the same school someday--wouldn't that be amazing?  They will just miss being in the same class. . . but when I grew up, my best friend was my cousin who was in one grade ahead of me.  I hope that can be the case for my baby, and Lola too.  We plan on keeping the family ties strong and important, so that there is a family loyalty and stability to draw strength from, no matter what. . . boy or girl, hard times, and good times, come what may--we love our family and hope for the same for generations to come.