how do you know?

I had Doss at the work daycare one day last week.  Coco was gone and I could not miss work because we were shooting our Fall lookbook and Friday was my Men's shoot.   Anyway, luckily the daycare has a great back-up care option for JCP home office associates, so I was able to take Doss with me and drop him off there.  

It was a little hard on him that morning, or so I heard.  I figured he would be a bit out of sorts, with a brand new environment and new people and all.  The ladies were so nice and kept telling me that he was doing good when I would call to check in.  Finally, though, I went down to see him and they confessed that he had had a rough morning and was crying quite alot.  I don't blame him, it is hard to get thrust into a new environment on a random day without a bit of an adjustment period.   I could tell as at 1:30PM when I went down, his little eyes were still red.  But he had calmed down and was playing good on the floor.  And when I took him back that afternoon, he went right to the ladies and was happy as could be when I picked him up at the end of the day.

I think it is was fun to have him so close during the day, although, it is probably good he is not there everyday, because I would want to go visit him ALL the time.  When I did go down to visit last Friday, I took him over to the photo studio to meet all my friends and colleagues.  Below are the images we took together on the set.  Heather, the fabulous photog, just shot some off the cuff pics and these are just a few.   He was still in a pretty intense mood and you can totally see it here.  I love how serious he looks. . . 

off to a rough start as usual!

seriously.  love his intense face here.

what a good boy!  it was so fun!

Speaking of fun--I'm still wondering--how do you know when to take the risks to do what you want to do. . . WHEN?  HOW?  I'm so confused about this still, especially now that Doss is here.  When is it right?  How much risk should we take?  Ben is a bit confused too, although he has started to take steps towards his dream.  Not his musical dream, although his music review and upcoming music review podcast help him to keep that an integral part of his professional and creative life.  And for his "realistic" dream (meaning something he truly thinks he wants to do that will result in a job that will support us and will fulfill him) he is working towards that too.  So it is nice that he has started on this path.  But, with the beginning of yet another season, spring happy spring, I again realize I still feel a bit isolated from the world outside.

I realize I'm a very lucky person.  We have a great life.  We have a fun little house.  We don't really want for anything, except an occasional trip abroad or an amazing piece of artwork or furniture. .. which I truly think will come, we don't need anything.  We have a good life.  We are just right on the cusp.  We know and see what it is like to have a bit more freedom. . .more control over your day and your future.  And because we don't have to work to feed our family or to just pay our rent, it allows us to realize that we want and are capable of having and achieving more.

I'm feeling more and more optimistic about making this wish a reality.  I just have the questions.  How do you know? When do you know? What to do?  

So on we go.  Hanging on, and pushing ourselves. . . hoping to feel and see the seasons change through our work sometime. . . sometime soon.