2 months-yea!

So Doss is just a bit over two months old.  I cannot believe how far we have come in such a short period of time.  The above photo is us on our way out of the hospital.  He was only 4 days old and didn't even have a name yet (can you believe?)!  Below is the two of us on the Valentine's Day--two months after his birth.  

Boy, I would love to sit here and write that it has been a blissful ride--but I can't. . . not totally.  There is absolutely bliss--when we catch a little grin, or see him content, cooing and gurgling.  That has been so wonderful to see develop over the last couple of weeks leading up to the 2 month mark.  But, it has been a hard road.  Truly, physically and emotionally one of the hardest things I have been through.  There is nothing to prepare you for what your body and mind go through to give birth. . . and to recover physically, while adjusting to meeting the needs of a newborn in the days after coming home can just push you to the edges. . . from bliss, to uncontrollable and unexplainable tears.  

I mentioned in an earlier post that Doss is a bit colicky.  He is just easily pushed to screaming his head off--poor thing--while he is awake. . . I think he is getting better. . . . but he is on the other hand, a great sleeper once we get him to bed at night.  So we feel very lucky on that front.

  So, as glad as I am that we have reached what may be a new plateau in terms of Doss getting used to the world and hopefully feeling less compelled to scream bloody murder while he is awake. . . I am completely freaked out to see him grow out of this stage.  I am freaked out at how fast the longest two months of my life have passed me by.  Have passed him by.  I feel like with Doss' birth, Ben and I have hit a the pace where time will never slow again.  I know that we will wake up and Doss and any potential siblings he may have (or not) will be grown up. . . and that is scary.  

So here I sit, celebrating (while he screams on his play mat) and mourning.  Trying to get through all this, while hanging onto it all at the exact same time.  I think maybe this is me realizing what it means to really feel my adulthood. . . and really grasp the excruciating bliss and pain of giving life; living life.  It is messy and clean at the same time.  Blurry and clear. It is love and hurt.  We are just holding on as hard as we can. . .